Grace Goering: memorial service notes
We are gathered here today to honour the memory of Grace Goering and to celebrate her new life in Christ…a life now free from the illnesses and trials that so challenged her, especially during her last years. The theme of this service is the promise of the butterfly, and like the lowly caterpillar which crawls earthbound, spins a cocoon and seems to die, only to break forth as a new creation – a butterfly able to soar in the heavens, so we make this same claim for Grace. She has shed her mortal body grown frail and worn, and she has put on the immortal. She is with God.
The Apostle Paul said that we see through a glass darkly…in other words, we cannot know what lies beyond this life, but if Grace could speak to us now, she would tell us not to be sad…but to celebrate her resurrection with God, in a new and more wonderful existence than we can ever imagine. She lives! And we are here to celebrate that victory and reaffirm it for ourselves.
It would be impossible to sum up a life of 76 years in just a few short moments. But think there are some things that we should say about Grace and why she was important to us. We are better people because she lived. Our lives are richer. And we are here because she touched our daily world and made it better.
1. First we would have to say, she was a devoted wife. She and Dan were married 58 years and according to one of her son, and 12 days. That’s a long time…and demonstrates a lot of commitment. In a day and time when so many marriages end in divorce, she took her marriage vows seriously, and through good and bad times, they were a couple, loyal and supportive. They met a a Christian Endeavor meeting and were married at a young age.
Grace had a quick sense of humor and when asked recently what advise she would give about being married so long, she said — with a twinkle… “don’t”. But she didn’t mean it, of course…And when I visited with her at Indian Creek just last Monday, she was feeling miserable, and the one thing she wanted was Dan. She took her wedding vows seriously and Dan was her helpmate and friend. Proverbs 31 reads, in part, “a good wife, who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her…she does him good and not harm.” These words were written a long time ago, but then and now, a loving, loyal, and good wife is precious and has a status of honour which is well deserved.
2. She was a loving mother, and grandmother and great grandmother. She had a gift with young people and they enjoyed being with her as much as she with them. In meeting with the family, Conard talked about growing up in Oklahoma and how one time they rolled in the mud – a sticky, thick mud that totally covered them..and how Grace simply hosed them off…or when Ted said he wanted to draw, she bought him a whole roll of butcher paper and invited him to get started, without imposing her own parameters to the outcome…She encouraged him…no coloring book to stay within the lines…but freedom to be creative. When son Daniel determined to run away from home with his Bible, Boy Scout handbook, and American flag and clean underwear, she took it is stride…and they found him asleep in a field 4 hours later. Suzi remembered how for her first dance, Grace understood the importance of those special moments growing up and even though money was tight, she took Suzi to Herzfeld’s for a new dress and fake fur stole…so she would feel as special as Grace knew her to be. They lost a son who lived only 5 hours…so Grace knew the pain of losing a child…and the family said yesterday, but now they are together, getting acquainted. Jesus said let the little children come unto me and forbid them not…and that was Grace’s sentiment as well. She delighted in the vitality and freshness of each child and their unique talents…and it didn’t stop with her children. She was proud of all her grandchildren as well. She loved to have them visit, to spend time with them, to encourage them. She was firm but loving. One lesson she especially tried to teach was, each was responsible for themself. If they made a poor decision, they would have to bear the consequences…or as she said it, “If you end up in jail, I’ll come visit, but I won’t bail you out.” The whole family knew they were always welcome, no one would ever be excluded or left out, and she would, to the best of her ability, try to be there for each one. Jesus said, “I will not leave you comfortless” and another time “Lo I am with you, even to the end of the age.” There were Grace’s sentiments as well. As long as she could, she’d be there.
3. Family unbirthdays were a special memory. Since the family was spread out all over the country and even the world, when they would get together, there would be an “unbirthday” party whereby everyone received a present, even though it was no one’s particular day. The gifts weren’t expensive, but thoughtfully chosen and beautifully wrapped. There is an old fable of a boy who lived on a small island. He walked 5 miles to get a particular sea shell to give to a missionary on his birthday. When the missionary commented that he had walked a long way, the boy replied, “long walk part of gift.” And it was the same for Grace. The careful attention to detail in wrapping each item was as much a part of the gift as the contents inside. Scripture teaches “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” and Grace understood the power of these words.
4. Grace was a member of the Cherokee Christian Church. She liked the church and had a deep faith. In fact, if you can believe it -and I do – she was one of the only people I’ve ever known who actually saw an angel. So she knew, beyond a doubt where she was going, and her story was a blessing to me. Grace was a mixture of Mary and Martha from the Bible…Mary who was the spiritual sister and Martha who was the practical homemaker, busy in the kitchen. Grace was a practical woman, too…down to earth in her thinking…but she’d seen a glimpse of something more. In her later years she was happy to volunteer in the office, helping to fold the newsletters or collating Lenten books, church directories, or whatever needed doing. Before her health became to demanding, she and Dan and the rest of the crew would go out to lunch — usually Waids…after working at church…and we fondly called them the “Lunch Bunch.” Scripture teaches us to use our talents…and Grace did, in big or small endeavors, and her giving attitude was always a blessing to others.
5. She worked outside the home in a number of different jobs, all of which she used to improve herself and her family. Dan said that he and Grace were the first of their siblings to purchase a home…and it was due to her job at the Star and Times at which she wrote ads for the classifieds. Although she had only a high school education, she was a talented writer and many advertisers insisted on using only Grace for their ads. Scripture teaches that we should study and show ourselves approved, as workers who need not be ashamed. Grace was that…and because she paid attention to what she wrote, she found out about opportunities before they were public…and often the family reaped the harvest of her quick recognition of something special. Proverbs 31 again reads, “a good wife, considers a field and she buys it. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.”
6. Proverbs goes on to say, “a good wife puts her hands to the spindle..and opens her hands to the poor.” Grace did both…she taught Suzi to sew and Suk as well. She knew good material and could buy at the second hand stores and get real bargains. She could make well-fitting clothes and was happy to show others. In Scripture, Dorcas was a seamstress. She used her talent for others and because of her generous attitude, she was the only woman called a disciple. When she died, she was raised from the dead. Grace was perhaps a kindred spirit…generous in sharing her talents and not once but repeatedly, she was raised from certain death, especially during the last 5 precarious years of dialysis. And she had a heart for the poor. She was a volunteer at Human Rescue and ultimately became the executive director. She cared about people, especially those who were depressed, down and out, defeated by life’s trials. Many of her life long friends came from her time working here and she really considered it her ministry. She met Fathers Gier and Flanagan – the founders – who became dear friends and colleagues.
7. And Grace and Dan often supported other young people — many of whom considered Grace a second mom and Dan a second father. Because of this extended family, they had contacts throughout the world, and Grace could know she had a special part in helping these young people to grow up to successful adulthood. They even sponsored a student nurse in the Philippines. Jesus said, “I was hungry and you gave me to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me to drink. I was naked and you clothed me.” Matt 25:35…so they opened their home to others, treating young people with respect…doing to others as they would have others do to them. One young man, a friend of Ted’s, found in them the support he didn’t get at home. When he won a position at school, Grace and Dan watched him be honoured when his own parents never showed. And one Christmas when he bought Grace a poinsettia, she refused to take it until he bought one just like it for his own mom…because she wanted him to show her respect, even if she didn’t deserve it. Grace was always available to listen to problems or dreams and did not belittle anyone. Her Thanksgiving meals always included people who had nowhere to go, or needy people who wouldn’t have a good meal if not for her. And this set an example for her children and grandchildren…Jesus said: a new commandment I give you, that you love one another.
8. Proverbs continues of a good wife, that strength and dignity are her clothing – she opens here mouth with wisdom – teachings of kindness are on her tongue — she does not eat the bread of idleness – charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who loved the Lord is to be praised. This was the kind of lady Grace was. If I were to ask each one of you to share a memory, we would all have different things to share. Some would remember how she could tell wonderful stories about life growing up or things she had done. Some of you would remember that she befriended those who had problems and was a born social worker. Many will look with admiration on her lack of prejudice…She never spoke unkindly and she told me (and the family told), of a time when she worked at Bethany Hospital as a patient rep and a person tried to tell her a joke about someone who was black. She said, “Nope. Don’t want to hear it. I have a black daughter-in-law.” So the person, “OK, make the person Asian.” She said, “Nope, I have an Asian daughter-in-law.” So the person said, “Make it a Jew.” And she replied, “Still don’t want to hear it. I have a Jewish son-in-law.” The joke teller gave up then. She was always loving and accepting, as was her Lord, of all people. She lived up to her name, Grace. She was a woman of good value judgements and fairness.
Some of you will remember that she was a good drawer and enjoyed painting eggs at Easter. Children and grandchildren remember trucks, cars, or train cars with number and dates indicating birth order and each child’s name. Her family remembered how she would tell of seeing the Hindenburg when she was just a little girl and how the swastika seemed to blot out the sun. Some will remember that she liked to share maxims or sayings…Maybe you knew she was a Schwenkfelder…a religious movement founded in the 1500’s which still exists in PA…Or that she didn’t learn to drive until she was in her 30’s and took lessons from Sears. All of us know the battles she fought with illness…a battle that began when she was a child and got diptheria and had to have a tracheotomy…a serious procedure back then. But what I remember most was a lovely lady who was thoughtful and kind…and I’m not alone in that…her nephrologist Dr. Duncan, even though he had been relieved of her case when she went on Hospice, came by last Wednesday to see her…Wearing a tie with angels on it. He made a house call, because he cared about Grace. And my husband and I cared. We visited many times during these last 5 years of declining health. The last time we visited, was just minutes after she passed away. In fact, they were still checking to see if there was a pulse. There was an air of sadness, but also relief. She wasn’t in pain any more. On that Good Friday — the day her Lord died — she passed away. As we waited for the hospice nurse, an early spring butterfly danced past the front door…and it seemed as if it was a sign from God of resurrection. The Easter message. The tomb is empty. Jesus lives. He is risen and so is Grace. Amen.